He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I feel great
I just peed on a car
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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