so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
