Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
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