we have pet lesbian snakes
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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