What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
