I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
