i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
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update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
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She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize