Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
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I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
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We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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