Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
