I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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