Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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