i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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