If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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