you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
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Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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