I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
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I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
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No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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