Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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