the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
