hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
