She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
