Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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