you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
