Pants 0. Shit 1.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
