she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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