i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
