Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
