At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You are a genius and a whore.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
