I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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