so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I understand Curling. That high.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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