you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
