Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
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Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
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You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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