New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
