i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
