The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
