I faked an abortion last night.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
