She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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