When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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