u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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