allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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