I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize