sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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