Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The struggles of a small town man whore
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
