He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
