I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
