Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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