i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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