The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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