I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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