Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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