You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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