STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
