im six kinds of drunk right now
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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