Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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