I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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