Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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