I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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