I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
