Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
