Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
