I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all