i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
