Taylor Swift is so right about you.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
