feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
