There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
